Choosing your battles

A piece of advice nearly every seasoned parent will give new parents. Especially parents of toddlers. They don’t call it terrible twos and threenager years because they’re a walk in the park (although I would gladly choose them over my 6 year old’s current attitude). Choosing your battles is literally the key to surviving parenthood, especially when you have strong willed kiddos like I do.

What does choosing your battles mean? It means letting your daughter go to church wearing red lipstick, blue eyeshadow and pink blush straight outta the 80’s (proof below!). It means letting your son wear rain boots everywhere. It means letting your kids have yogurt for dinner when they swear they don’t like the same meal they loved last week. It means evaluating every parenting decision using the question “is this really worth the fight that will surely ensue?”

Sometimes it’s a resounding yes! It’s worth it! Hit your brother? Non-negotiable. Picture day at school? Sorry, no glitter, rainbow Jojo Siwa shirt today. Throw a toy at your sister? Sorry, straight to timeout. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Don’t want to wash your hands after using the Walmart restroom? Sorry Charlie, that’s a big N-O.

With other things, it’s not worth it. As with all things in life, it’s all about balance. My husband and I are constantly discussing and evaluating, making sure we’re at a happy medium. Tip it too much to one side of the scale, you end up with a spoiled terror that doesn’t know authority and will take advantage every chance they get. Lean too much the other way and you will pull your hair out and potentially damage your relationship with your kiddos.

My barometer on evaluating whether it’s worth it or not certainly has changed over the years. With my first, everything was worth it. I valued image and other’s opinions way too much. I remember picking her up from daycare once and her shirt was filthy. I had planned to take her on a grocery run with me. I had so much anxiety about her shirt that I went home (all the way across town) and changed her before our shopping trip. Would I do that today? Heck no. Although sometimes I find myself going back to those old habits and have to remind myself that in the end, it doesn’t really matter. I wouldn’t judge a mother off one interaction with her filthy kiddo, so I should give myself that same grace.

My level of fight versus flight is also heavily influenced by my energy level that day. My kids have quickly found out that the more exhausted I am or the more misbehaved one of their siblings is being, the more likely I am to give in. That certainly isn’t a piece of advice and I would actually advise against it, but I promise to always be real and let’s be honest, it happens. A lot.

What battles do you choose not to fight? What are your non-negotiables? I try to stay consistent with what I give in to and what I don’t, so I don’t totally confuse my kids and reinforce the idea that they can whine or throw a fit to get their way. However, I fail at this every single day and it is constantly something I’m trying to improve on. Which is essentially parenting in a nutshell. Fail. Learn. Try to do better. Fail again. Learn more. Try harder.